Cleaning things out.

Blueberry bushes on Moon Road in Rochester, Washington.

I've been going through paperwork and all kinds of stuff in order to find some order in the chaos that has ensued from children moving in, moving out, moving in and moving out. haha. There sure doesn't seem to be an empty nest syndrome in my future. Maybe some day I will get to experience that. I'm not really complaining. I don't mind the company most of the time and they are pretty good at sharing the space. I can't say it's been rough because it hasn't. It's been fun spending more time with the babies.

Tonight I was going through a collection of things I had saved for various reasons. I have some patterns for furniture, ideas for crafts, scraps of paper with things the kids said, and some things I thought were cute and might want to use someday. Saying all that to say...tonight's blog is something I had saved to recopy because I find it humorous. Now mind you the numbers are based on whenever this was written and the paper it is on is pretty yellowed by now, so I'm sure it was quite a few years ago, but the idea is still humorous and if the numbers were adjusted I am sure the ratio would remain the same. So without further ado, here it is:

I'm Tired

Yes, I'm tired. 

For several years I have been blaming it on middle-age, iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, air pollution, water pollution, saccharin, obesity, dieting, underarm odor, yellow wax build-up, and a dozen other maladies that make you wonder if life is really worth living.

But now I find out it isn't that.

I'm tired because I am overworked.

The population of this country is 200 million. 84 million are retired. That leaves 116 million to do the work. There are 75 million in school, which leaves 41 million to do the work. Of this total, there are 22 million employed by the government. That leaves 19 million to do the work. 4 million are in the armed forces, which leaves 15 million to do the work. 

Take from that total the 14,800,000 people who work for state and city government and that leaves 200,000 to do the work. There are 188,000 in hospitals, so that leaves 12,000 to do the work. 

Now, there are 11,988 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me. And you are sitting there reading this. No wonder I'm tired. 

LOL.

Alternative Affirmations

This came to me in an email and I thought it was cute, so I'm sharing it here.





Alternative Affirmations...

1. As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath.


2. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.

3. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.

4. In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.

5. My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of wisdom and judgment.

6. I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper, and complain.

7. When someone hurts me, I know that forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as rewarding.

8. I am at one with my duality.

9. Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves in knots.

10. I will strive to live each day as if it were my 50th birthday.

11. I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws.

12. Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so!"

13. A scapegoat is almost as good as a solution.

14. Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my underwear. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom.

15. I will no longer waste my time reliving the past. I will spend it worrying about the future.

16. The complete lack of evidence is the surest proof that the conspiracy is working.

17. Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot.

What was that again?

These two pictures were not planned. I didn't realize I was getting the "Hooters sign included because I wasn't wearing my glasses. I laughed out loud when I saw what I had. Do any of you see the humor here?

Tuesday Tidbits.

Just a little something from my email that I found rather funny.

We think we have problems...lol


The following is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the Australian equivalent of the Workers' Compensation board.


Dear Sir,
I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.
I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six story building. When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor.
Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks.
You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135 lbs.
Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.
In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equal, impressive speed. This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form.
Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience a great deal of pain.
At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight.
As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up.This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body.
Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.
I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs. I hope this answers your inquiry.
Merrell